Saying “no” can be one of the toughest things to do, especially for those of us who are people-pleasers at heart. We want to make others happy, even if it means sacrificing our own needs and desires. But this pattern of constant self-denial can lead us down a dangerous path of dissatisfaction, numbness, and eventual burnout.
When we’re always saying “yes” to others, we’re essentially saying “no” to ourselves. We’re denying our true selves the chance to speak up, to have a voice, and to honor our deepest wants and needs. Over time, this disconnect from our authentic selves can leave us feeling hollow, like we’re just going through the motions of life without any real passion or purpose.
It’s like we’re living in a constant state of self-betrayal, always putting others first and neglecting our own well-being. And let’s be real, that’s no way to live. We deserve to feel alive, energized, and connected to our truest selves, not just existing as a shell of who we really are.
What’s Wrong with Being Nice?
Of course, being nice is an admirable trait. But, as Linda B. Arnold writes, when you totally give yourself over to others it can become toxic:
- You lose your own sense of who you are – and what you want.
- You become silently resentful.
- Your health may be compromised because you’re always overcommitting and putting others first, resulting in stress and anxiety.
- You’re a target for others to take advantage of you.
Approval can become very addictive, and it may even control your behavior. You may not even realize you’re giving your power away.
“Until you can accept and approve of yourself, though, no amount of approval from others will keep you secure.” Linda B. Arnold writes.
But breaking the cycle of people-pleasing isn’t easy. It is a habitual pattern which didn’t develop overnight, and it won’t go away overnight.
It’s a habit that’s been ingrained in us from a young age, and it can be tough to shake off those deeply-rooted patterns. It takes conscious effort and a willingness to prioritize our own needs, even if it means disappointing others from time to time.
The good news is, once we start saying “no” to the things that don’t serve us, we open up space for the things that truly matter. We can start to reconnect with our passions, our dreams, and our authentic selves. And trust me, that feeling of alignment and self-acceptance is worth every uncomfortable “no” along the way.
Here are some steps, though, to help you make healthier choices.
Thank you Fittingrightin for the image.
Powerful words!