Also in Spanish
Fear and Anxiety may be flowing through our system now. Our hearts may feel tender and raw for the suffering we see around us these days. We may be tired of so much going on around us both nationally and globally. Please, know this is understandable.
The unprecedented challenges we are going through have shattered the world as we knew it, and we may find ourselves irritated and impatient, longing for this situation to finally come to an end.
The consequences of the pandemic, the division, the violence, the economic decline, may trigger every emotion you have ever stored safely away your entire life. Fear, anxiety and even anger may be intensified now.
Do not judge yourself. There is a healthy place for them when they alert us from a threat and try to push us away from it. It is then that they fulfill a protective purpose.
However, sometimes fear and anxiety are protecting another underlying emotion that most people do not want to feel: grief. We often try to avoid grief as it turns us towards our soft, vulnerable hearts.
Many of us didn’t learn how to connect to our vulnerability as we were growing up, so we don’t know what it looks like to drop down into that undefended place.
Instead, when we are feeling scared or sad, we resort to our default defense mechanism, which is to harden, blame, attack and panic. While these unconscious tendencies do not serve us, it’s where we all often go. It is what we do, especially in difficult times.
A few nights ago, I let go of the armor of my heart, which was apparently more defended than I thought. My heart became very tender. The shield I did not even know I was protecting myself with, melted. And suddenly my heart softened, and I experienced deep sadness.
I was overcome by the thousands of people who are suffering from mental illness in silence, and for those who medicate with substances to alleviate their pain. I felt sorrow for the increasing number of young people committing suicide, for those who have lost their jobs, and the unspeakably stressful financial difficulties some people are going through.
The deep feeling of loss we are all experiencing, the increasing division and criminal activity in our country, the censorship that is striping our inherent freedoms away make my heart bleed for our beloved America.
But I did not resist my feelings. On the contrary, I welcomed them.
I allowed myself to grieve, to contact my deep sadness. I welcomed all my emotions, like Rumi says in his beautiful poem “The Guest House.”
As I felt them in my body, the emotions were gradually dissolved, and out of that was born a renewed energy to continue living this amazing life that is testing us right now.
We are all grieving in one way or another. Grieving for the vulnerable, the elderly, our youth, the healthcare workers and all essential workers, the people who lost their business, grieving for those who have lost loved ones. Grieving for those who had to stay at home during the lockdowns and endured emotional or sexual abuse. And the collective grief, the global grief then meets with our personal grief, and when we soften the defenses, the pain comes through.
Rather than running away or ignoring our grief, our power resides in bringing awareness to the emotions underlying that grief.
I invite you to allow yourself to sit with the feelings that arise, to feel them in your body, which is the way our emotions communicate with us, in somatic ways. I invite you to stop resisting the challenging emotions that come to visit you.
I invite you to ask the questions that will give birth to your truth and a new way of being. A place of light will open in the darkness, and you will be able to share your innermost self in relationship with others.
Like Mark Nepo says: This requires diving where we are, not running from what is. We must be brave and must beware, mostly of ourselves. For the mind is like a spider. It will weave many webs. But the heart is like an arrow of light. It will pierce a hole in the dark that life will fill.
This is what we’re always being asked, but the normal invitations are heightened during these times of great change.
So please, do not judge yourself for feeling the natural emotions that may emerge. Hold yourself in the cradle of self-compassion. And remind yourself about the impermanence of feelings. Remember, feelings are like an ocean tide. They come and go.
This too shall pass. We will get through this just as we got through other tough times in our past.
So when anxiety knocks on our door, like Rumi also says, we cannot leave it unattended. When fear leads us to see danger in every corner, when it leads us to hoard and to panic or when healthy anger changes into hostility, blame and attack, these emotions are no longer helpful.
It is in moments like these that awareness becomes our ally, our most powerful friend. Carl Jung said Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. Self-awareness helps us make our unconscious conscious.
So, listening to the suffering that may seem to be emerging stronger during this time, becomes the inner work we are all called to do. And it is the first step towards healing ourselves and being able to offer compassion to others.
It is only when we get to know our own suffering, that we can offer …the extra warmth we receive to someone who is shivering. If we could shed the masks that keep us from ourselves, there would be enough to save the world ~ Mark Nepo
Very warmly,
Regina U Edmiston says
Monica – these teachings that you have included on this site are so helpful and support your Tuesday Mediations and other modules. The links to other components add to the depth of understanding.
Thank you for all you do!
Barbara Russell says
I am so grateful to the Wellness House for bringing you forth to my attention. I felt that this past Tuesday’s hour left me (and probably everyone else) in such a deep state of calm that there was no need for questions. Of particular comfort, I find the placing of hand to heart with words of self love and compassion to be so powerful. And I agree with the recent comment that your tone of voice and pace of speaking are beautiful to hear.
Thank you, Monica, for posting the text of your session. I will value them for many weeks to come.
Monica Jordan says
Thank you so much for your comment, Barbara. I’m delighted to hear you are benefiting from the Tuesday sessions and the environment of calm created in the meetings. Looking forward to sharing many more sessions with you 🙂
Susan Kelly says
This is the most genuine description of what this all feels like living through this time. Thank you!
Monica Jordan says
How wonderful that this blog resonates with you, Susan! Thank you so much for sharing!
Monica
Lil Moran says
Thank you Monica for helping me to feel validated during these difficult times.
Especially today as I was needing to practice self compassion to feel okay with not feeling very okay.
The inner healing I need to do is not easy for me to access. My mindfulness practice has been sporatic. I am very grateful for your continued healing gifts and have found much needed comfort and inspiration on numberous occasions this past year. In Gratitude.
Monica Jordan says
Dear Lil ~ So happy to hear that the teachings are resonating with you. Accepting our emotions however challenging they are and bringing self compassion to our experience is crucial to our wellbeing. Know that I am here for you if you need me. Much love to you!