Arguments and conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, but how those conflicts are resolved and repaired afterward greatly impacts the overall health and longevity of the relationship.
Underneath our encounters there are sometimes feelings of grief and sadness, the profound need to be seen, heard and understood, and a longing to reconnect.
Often, these arguments can open the door to renew the energy and intimacy of our bond with our partner.
Going thorough these cycles can be painful, but if we learn how to REPAIR, the outcome can be beautiful and profoundly enriching.
Repair maintains healthy and thriving relationships. It also helps our connection to our partner and to ourselves grow.
Steps to Repair in Relationships after Conflict
Repairing after an argument in a romantic relationship allows both partners to heal emotional wounds and restore a sense of trust and connection. Repair steps involve:
1. Acknowledge the hurt caused.
2. Focus on your partner so you can implicitly say his/her feelings matter to you.
3. Do not give in to the urge of defending yourself or your behavior.
4. Take responsibility for your actions and apologize. “I’m sorry” can go a long way.
5. Use “I” statements instead of “you (always/never)” accusatory statements. Using “I” statements can bring the conversation to more conciliatory terms.
6. Listen without interrupting. Listen with compassion and respect to give your partner the space to express the hurt and to better understand your partner’s perspective and emotions.
7. Actively work towards reconciliation. Asking “How can I do better next time?” will let your partner know you are invested in supporting the growth of the relationship.
8. Give your partner the space & time she/he needs to heal.
9. Forgiveness. Work on forgiving yourself if you are the one who caused the wound. No-one is perfect. Work on forgiving your partner as as not to hold a grudge and to start anew.
Repairing involves open and honest communication, being curious about your partner’s viewpoint, offering sincere apologies, and finding mutually acceptable solutions to the underlying issues.
Repair sets the stage for continued growth, improved communication, and a more resilient and fulfilling connection.
Letting time go by without repairing after a conflict can erode the relationship to the point of no return. Do not wait. Take the steps necessary to repair right away.
What is your experience on repairing, or the consequences of no repair can bring? Please, share in the comments below.
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